I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
