Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
you didnt know i had herpes?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
