So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
