dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
high people should be assigned attendants
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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