I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
