He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
