youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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