saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
