I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
