I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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