sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
