i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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