everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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