i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
