I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
