Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
