I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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