Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
