dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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