Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
