dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
