You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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