There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
