her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize