I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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