You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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