dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
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I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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