i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
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how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked