hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.