if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
