well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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