I am spending my child support on dildos
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
