omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
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I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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