hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
