can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
