how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We need to get me chipped asap
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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