So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
