I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
