it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i will never coherently bang her
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
