At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
