Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
