I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
