I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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