My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
