You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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