SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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