like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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