but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
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I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
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I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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