If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
