Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
