i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
