They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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