You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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