You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
