She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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