You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
