This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
