She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
