My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
