Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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