I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
