I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
